Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Your living in a small place when...



A question to the reader’s, have you ever sat there with a report in your hands, flicking through the countless pages of drab information and thought, who was this nut bag who wrote all this?

I’m thinking this myself as I re-examine my position in life. My title, if I should be titled something other than an office bitch, is a Technical Building Officer.. But before you ask, a technical building officer is one who, refer above, writes tediously long technical reports relating to the legislative requirements one might come across when building a home, a set of stairs or a gargantuan monstrosity in the centre of town.

Someone once told me that I’ve been doing this job for too long (6 odd years), it’s all over for me now, every scent, every itsy bit of creativity, all zapped up by the ‘Creative death ray gun of technicality’ – a mouth full to say the least. All the same, sometimes there seems to be some truth in it. That’s when I come here, the humble blog, with it’s few readers I write ridiculousness in a bid to over power my shame.

So let’s play….

‘Dog Killed By Yowie' - NT researcher says Big Foot beast mauled pup’ ~ Front cover NT NEWS, 21st April 2009




Darwinian’s today are warned of the risk posed by the invasion of the illusive Bigfoot, aka Yowie. Standing an impressive 3027mm tall, covered in a light brown fur with equally large feet, the Yowie is a beast with an inexhaustible appetite for our beloved pet, the dog.

“The way the guy’s dog was killed was typical of a Yowie”, self proclaimed NT Yowie expert is reported to proclaim. “I know it sounds fanciful but over the past 100 years, dogs get killed or decapitated and people report feeling watched, having goats stolen or seeing some tall hairy thing in the days beforehand.”

Alarmed by the sentiment raised by the threat of the Yowie, yours truly, Rambo’s protégé, took it upon himself to undertake an exhaustive investigation to bring an end to this aging mystery. Using state of the art photo identification processes and a marked paddle pop stick, the findings are conclusive.


Bigfoot frolics in the cool cascades of Litchfield

Something tells me this reignited interest in the Yowie story comes at a suspiciously close time to when stoner flick, ‘Strange Wilderness’ a film about a failing film crew who embark on an epic adventure to find the legendary Big foot, was released in Territorian video stands. Coincidence, I’ll let you decide?


Meanwhile, it would seem that the beloved pooch has been up to it again.

“Our Dog Ate My G-String” ~ Front Cover NT News, 15th April 2009

After a serious rescue operation, as reported in Easter Sunday’s NT News, poor pooch is lucky to be alive after he greedily engulfed a ‘ladies black g-string’. The report goes on the say that the cheeky spaniel named Baxter is ‘a real guts and will eat anything’.

From the Crew With Crab's and a wooden chicken.... Peace!


5 comments:

Jay Ferris said...

I'm a repeat victim of familiarity blindness as well. It usually requires a hike into the mountains and/or a liter of whiskey to fully reboot myself.

As for the Yowie, it's only a matter of time before he makes the jump from eating household pets to feasting on homeless people.

Kez said...

OMG the Yowie is YOU!
Hilarious.
The journalism there sounds really world class (no offence to any journalists there)!
I guess you gotta find news in a place like that.

It can't all be about old people crabbing in estuaries and griping about traffic flow being reversed...gee i wonder to what I am referring? bahaha.

C.Q Walker said...

now I would be anyone's bitch if I got the chance to read one hundred years of solitude while floating around the Buley rock holes....

Oh the shame..... the shame.....

Juice said...

C.Q.
That book has ruined me!!!. Why would I ever want to write another thing when I know that it will fall so short in comparison to his supurb style.

When I finished the book I felt like I had just woken up from another life. Just amasing.

As for the rock holes... If you've been there you know how beautiful it is. I need not bother explaining why i send every second weekend holed up in the cool cascades.

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